Unraveling

I came home today and feel like things are unraveling faster than I can fix them...we have a mountain of paperwork for the Children's Hospital, our insurance doesn't want to pay for the CT scans because the hospital did the paperwork wrong and didn't collect the co-pay at the time of service, and our doctor's office called and said the head of pediatric pancreantology reviewed our CT scans and is referring us for surgery...how can we have surgery if we don't have a diagnosis?!

I think all I can do is fill out the paperwork and sleep on it. I will start making phone calls in the morning to find out what kind of surgery (biopsy, lumpectomy, transplant) and what exactly he sees in the CT scans that makes him think this is the way to go. Good thing I did a wee bit of research already, I feel pretty comfortable with this hospital, but I need a diagnosis to find out if this is where we really want/need to be.

I thought if we just needed to take the tumor out and have it done with I would be really good with it, but the thought of them cutting open my baby is suddenly really disturbing...I haven't really gotten used to the idea. I have no idea how my mom stood by my side while I had a c-section, but I guess I'm going to find out.

There was sunshine today though...we got a wonderful gift in the mail from Sally and Ron, and if all the stress wasn't enough to make me cry, that tipped me right over the edge. Thank you so much!! The wild, terrible times are tempered with love.